WARNING: If you are not a complete Brohemouth, do not read this ad. The awesome of this house will make your face melt like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
We’ve had this Temple to Broseidon under our control since W. went Ameri-bro and Mission Accomplished the shit out of Iraq and it has seen some of the greatest bros of the last decade pass through its hallowed halls: 2 direct descendants of the A-Team, they guy who came up with Under Armour’s “We must protect this house” campaign, Nicholas Cage, and a surfer bro that made Keanu Reeves in Point Break look like Lionel Richie. After coming to America to learn the ways of the brah, our recent international brotege has flown by the seat of his pants back Down Under, most likely to bang as many foreign chicks as possible. We’re looking for a bro of epic broportions, talent and exploits to fill his spot in the brahacracy.
About the house itself:
• The house, as any true Brotel should, has its own brah-niker: Sparta, because what’s more brah than being the most cock diesel fighters of all the ancient world? Slaying mad bitches that’s what, which were pretty sure the Spartans did too. if these guys were around today they’d wear Affliction Tees for sure bro
• Kitchen equipped with multiple blenders for protein shakes
• if you need to know more, then you’re no bro, and your face will start melting any minute now
The bros in this house like to party hard and bang chicks even harder. If you hate China and Russia winning any Olympic medal shared and shed a bro-tear when Phelps won his 8th gold medal, join the club. However, only real Teddy Brosevelts know that the true tragedy was the IOC (also known as Vichy France) didn’t let Phelps compete in every event.
Moving on, owning some container capable of holding more than 4 beers at once is an absolute requirement. Having recently banged a chick born in the 90’s is a plus. If it was doggy and you didnt call her ever again…BRO-FIVE!
If you think you’re brah enough to enter the kingdom of brah, respond to this ad. Our response will either come in the form of an email or by means of bald eagle courier. RamBros love America.
Brahsta La Vista.
(Submitted by Denise G.)
Spring is in the air: warm breezes…flowers pushing through the soft dirt…and large kitty hairballs floating down your stairs.
Hmm.
Time for kitty to get a haircut? Now, don’t laugh – cat shaving eliminates excess hair around your home, and keeps your furry friend cool and comfortable for months at a time.
And at a rate of $30 for a sedative-free shave, it’s worth letting kitty have their own salon experience! Lion clips or straight shave-downs – we’ll have Fluffy looking slimmer and smoother in no time.
Contact us for more details!
We are offering 10 1 day memberships to use our toilets in our apartment during the Hoboken Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. $40 for the day gives you unlimited piss and poop sessions. It is a $2,000 fine if caught in public and with nearly 154 police officers working that day you will no doubt get caught, the fine is up to $2k and you will have to perform community service which we are learning will be you holding a sign at 14th St and Washington St that reads “I’m an asshole, I got caught pissing or shitting in public”. Avoid all of this and give us $40 and you can piss and poop to your hearts content. Free toilet paper included if you sign up now, otherwise it is $10 a roll at the door. You can also stop by our home and use a designated non membership toilet for $25 a pop as needed. This is a very serious offering, reply for address
(Submitted by Matt R)
you were the girl with blonde hair and teal highlights wearing hideous combat boots.
i was the guy wearing green track pants and a conspicuous boner.
you asked me what time it was.
i said “rape:30,” but i don’t think you heard me because you walked away and that line usually works.
if you read this, i’ll be at radegast on n. 3rd and berry this friday wearing 3d glasses from avatar and a pompadour. shall we say rape:15? (10 pm eastern)
(Submitted by Rebeccaaa)
I can not recommend Alec in a professional capacity. I can however recommend Alec’s hair as I have been his tonsorial stylist for the past four years. Alec’s hair is very thick and lustrous thanks to Aveda Smooth Infusion™ Shampoo with organic aloe, maize and guar bean. Occasionally, Alec experienced dryness of the scalp. That was a snap for Aveda Men Pure-formance™ Conditioner with seaweed, sage extract, spearmint oil, plai and licorice. Luckily, I carry a wide variety of Aveda products for both hair and skin at my salon, Cliff Storniolo Styling Associates in Voorhees, New Jersey. It is therefore without hesitation that I do recommend Alec Brownstein. And remember, if you have questions about Aveda Products, ask me!
Cliff Storniolo, Lead Stylist at Cliff Storniolo Styling Associates
Alec was a fantastic intern mentor. Right off the bat, he took a much greater interest in me than anyone else at the agency. He was always asking me how I was doing and checking up on my performance. Sometimes I would be doing a spreadsheet and I would turn around and Alec would just be staring at me and then he would always come over to my desk and lean over me to check my work. It really helped me improve my productivity. He was also very generous with his time, and was always bringing me red wine while we were working late. In summation, I have found Alec Brownstein to be a very professional and very good intern mentor. There’s not much more I can say about a guy who took me under his wing so much that he actually invited me to go camping!
Andrew Himmelfarb, Intern
We recently had a baby and were considering condoms over birth control. Changed our minds. So I have 11 unused Trojan condoms. I bought them for like $5.99. Selling them for $4, price is firm, no pon intended. I don’t have a picture but they came in a blue box if that helps, no special smell or style, just plain old condoms. If not sold they will be used as water balloons and thrown off the roof.
(Submitted by Geza)
After several years of practicing law with a bunch of nerds in Silicon Valley I have come to the conclusion that my law degree is useless and I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. Though I spent over $100,000 on it I am willing to sell it for the bargain basement price of $59,250, which is the current value of my remaining student loan balance.
This priceless collectible will permit you to be surrounded by hobby-less assholes whose entire life is dictated by billing by the hour and being anal dickheads. Additionally, this piece of paper has the amazing ability to keep you from doing what you really want to do in life, all in the name of purported prestige and financial success. Finally, girls in the Marina will swoon with retarded thoughts of sugar daddy when they hear you went to XXX prestigious law school and are a lawyer.
Act now as supplies are limited and this crap takes three years to make. DISCLAIMER: this piece of shit isn’t even written in English. It’s in Latin or something, but I have the translation. It says “Haha. We took your tuition money bitch, now suck it. Sincerely, President of the University”
Added Bonus: It’s from one of those elitist BS institutions that accept people like George W. Bush cause their daddy donated $20 million i.e. Cornell, Penn, Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Georgetown, Duke, Tijuana Tech, etc. Instead of donating $20 million you can have it for the low low price of $59,250 or best offer.
This is actually a serious post. I will really sell this piece of shit.
(Submitted by SenoraObscura)
