Me – We need to talk
ME – I… I don’t think we should see each other anymore
XTC = What! Why?
ME – It’s not you, I swear.
XTC – I’m too big… that’s it isn’t it!
ME = no, not at all… Hell, I’m 6′. technically I’m too big for you.
XTC – Is it my shifters? You don’t like the Deore’s anymore…
ME – No! I’m telling you it’s me, you’re perfect. You ride better than any other bike
XTC – What!!! you ass hole! you’ve been riding other bikes!
XTC – god I can’t believe you!
ME – Yes, ok I admit it! you’re just too… hybrid for me.
XTC – Her shocks are bigger aren’t they.
ME – god dammit, can we not… please.
XTC – I hate you. As soon as I find someone new I’m leaving.
ME – hahaha, don’t make me laugh, what are you gunna do, post a classified on Craigslist?
…. … … …
Fuck you Giant.XTC 2…. I hate you… even though we were only together for less than a year, you let me ride you maybe 10 times! I never want to see you again.
Here are all the naked pictures I have of you… I hope everyone see’s what a skank you are.
slut
pickup only
Our company is looking for the most ticklish models ages 18-50 for a combination glamour photoshoot and video production involving acting and you getting tickled. We are scheduling productions now for Tuesday, August 3rd through Sunday, August 8th in Tampa. The production lasts about 1.5 hours and pays anywhere from $75-$150 (depending on just how ticklish you are, your look marketability and your attire comfort levels). The qualifications are as follows:
- The target look here is an individual who can pull off white-collar classy professional businesswoman look with nylons, heels and a dress shirt.
- Must be between the ages of 18 and 50.
- Must be extremely ticklish, especially on your feet. We don’t want someone who is just a little or even moderate. This is ESSENTIAL. If this doesn’t apply to you, please do not apply.
- Must be ok with light forms of bondage for safety so you don’t accidentally elbow someone while being tickled 
.
- Must be between 5′0 and 6′4.
Interested candidates please respond with the following:
* At least two (2) recent photographs; online portfolios are accepted as well.
* Please cite how you feel you are qualified for this casting and what makes you stand out among other candidates. We want the best candidates possible for this, so please be honest but thurough.
* Part of this role involves acting, so please cite any acting experience you have. Selected candidates will be actively involved in script development!
* Cite your availability for Tuesday, August 3rd through Sunday, August 8th.
The productions will take place on Tuesday, August 3rd through Sunday, August 8th ONLY. Candidates who are offered a position must guarantee their attendance shoot day. Payment is issued immediately following the project completion. We also offer a referral bonus in case you have friends who are interested in this too! If we use them, you get an extra $15.00!
If you have any questions of any kind, please do not hesitate to ask. Sample work and references are available upon request!
(via @RRGGBB)
I’m moving next week and will be between apartments for three nights and two days. Since I’m staying in a hotel and/or staying at some friend’s houses, I won’t be able to move my collection of condiments which I have diligently collected over the months. Being a bachelor, I don’t always cook the best food, but I always have at least a couple appropriate condiments for any food situation. Just take a look at the fantastic list below. Arrangements for pickup could be flexible, if you are single, female, and attractive. Otherwise pickup would have to be Tuesday afternoon.
The Collection:
- sweet relish
- Tabasco sauce
- generic chocolate syrup
- reduced sodium Soy Sauce
- Wasabi sauce
- Smart Balance butter spread
- mustards: yellow, brown, and dijon
- barbecue sauce (authentic kansas city)
- rice vinegar (might be expired)
- ketchup (only 1/5 full, may be gone by next week)
- Miracle Whip Light
- A-1 Steak Sauce. Yeah, it’s that important.
- lemon juice
- some olives, although not really a condiment
As you can see, I have spent tens of dollars putting together this collection. Certificates of authenticity are not included, but the discerning collector will know at first sight. Please contact well in advance so I can run the background check.
Looking to for a handsome guy to come by and take off his shoes and let me sniff his socked feet for 10-15mins andI will pay up to 300$. No joke.. no nudity or anything sexual just your socked feet in my face. Gold toe dress sock wearers to the front of the line.
Submitted by LayerHater
This is a review of: J&D’s Bacon Flavored Lip Balm, 4.5-Gram Tube
This product was a life saver for me. Literally. Without it, I may have been forever doomed to be miserable and alone.
I met the love of my life while jogging in the park a few months ago. I’ve heard of love at first sight, but never understood its true power.
Our eyes met as we ran past each other in opposite directions. I felt a bolt of electricity shoot through my body. When I stopped and turned around, I saw she had done the same. We walked back towards each other, and I could feel the heat and the chemistry between us. We started talking, and at that moment I knew this was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
We embarked upon a whirlwind romance. All was perfect between us, save one thing. She was a vegan, opposed to all killing of animals for meat. I am a fanatic for steaks, ribs and chicken. Or anything else that once walked and breathed that I can put onto the grill.
At first, we tiptoed around the issue, but soon it drove a wedge between us. We could no longer eat meals together. She was nauseated watching me eat a hamburger and I, of course, am not a rabbit.
That’s when J&D’s Bacon Flavored Lip Balm entered my life. And dare I say, saved it.
I started wearing this lip balm every day. With each kiss, my love tasted just a hint of the nirvana that is bacon. Soon, she attacked me as soon as I entered the room, just to nibble my J&D’d lips. One Sunday, after an early morning J&D session, I went to the kitchen and fried up a giant pan of bacon. The scent wafted through the house. In moments my dearest was in the kitchen, salivating, wondering what that glorious smell was. That was the day we truly became as one. And the rest, as they say, is history. Thank you J&D, for your genius. Our first child will be named in your honor!
Wife Hunter ((Public Asian Areas of OC))
Date: 2010-06-11, 8:33AM PDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
I am a very romantic man and what you are about to read will seem to contradict that; but it does not. I am a 46 year old very handsome man that most cannot believe I am not married. This is not about me being hard up I can assure you.. Having found success and learned many life lessons about what is important in life and that giving back is what I want to do with the rest of my life (wit my best friend by my side
)
I don’t care who you are, finding the right partner in life is difficult. After many years of and many dates around the world, I have concluded that greatest obstacle is a logistical marketing problem. I firmly believe that very few people know who you really are and ever get to understand your truly unique nuances that make us who we are… I have felt the elation of holding the hand of my best friend and feeling like nothing else in the world matters and that I can heal the world with her by my side. That is why I am going to show the world that typical perception of how to date and find your soul mate are sadly outdated.
I am seeking someone to go around town to all the different Asian areas (maybe other areas as we learn) and promote me to people that you think I might find attractive. We will work together so you understand this before you go out. I am producing a video of me to as accurately as I can depict who I am without someone having to meet me. You will approach people (that you think would be a good match) , ask them a few initial questions, then after you have their curiosity show them the video on me. If they are interested you setup a meeting and we will go from there. Pay will be $12hr base (health benefits negotiable) and offer serious bonuses ($175+ , $250 etc) on 2nd meeting with the leads you find for me. You will have to be a professional that can approach ladies with a smile and friendly, forward and pleasant personality
If you find the right person and we start, dating you will get paid up to 12 months without having to work as a reward. Also if you I propose you will get the $10,000 on top of that.
I’m not new to all of this and there is a book and movie going to be produced about all of this My notoriety was established a while ago when I offered $10,000 to anyone that would INTRODUCE me to the woman that I propose to that might become my wife. After having been on many TV shows and in people magazine’s hottest bachelors’ and done thousands of radio interviews around the world I can tell you it’s not a popularity contest.
I have since learned many things about myself but, I have yet to find this best friend and partner in life. Yes I am very serious about this and I have no problem meeting lots of woman, just not ones that I am compatible with and are truly someone that I want to spend the next 55 yrs with. So, tell me why you would be good that this job. Leave me a message at 314-785-6888. IF you try to not leave a message and go to the operator or another extension, you will be disqualified. So if you’re a fun and open person, this could be the most fun you have ever had at a job. I think you will find all this to be a sincere love story and me to be a very down to earth good guy. Open your mind and you can do anything you dream…:) Rod
- Location: (Public Asian Areas of OC)
- Compensation: $12HR PLUS BONUES AND PAID TIME OFF
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Creative Writing/Role-Playing Partner (IL)
Date: 2010-06-11, 11:23AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
I am searching for a creative writing partner for a monthly text session that would occur via instant messaging, as well as emailing. The particular subject matter that I am looking to explor for this project is known as a “giantess fantasy”. If you do not know what that is, as long as you are open to learning then I am more than willing to coach you into the role. I would prefer if my writing partner were female.
Extra information about your role: You would most likely be playing a very evil, even cliche villainess style of a character at times. To give a bit of an idea, without giving much away ahead of time, a good point of reference and example might be to consider a female version of the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. You will also be picking a celebrity actress to play this role, while I would be doing the same for any other character.
- Location: IL
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
- Compensation: $50 for the session
(submitted by Tiffany W)
We lost our cat! She escaped via a loose screen and now we can’t find her.
Her name is Dr. Grant and my wife says that she is a Paleontologist. I’ve never seen the cat’s degree. I don’t think it can read, and this kitty doesn’t seem interested in dinosaurs. But I don’t argue because I prefer to pick my battles.
She is very tiny and weighs in at just 7 pounds. She is also shy and will probably run from you. Her fur is a dusty grey and long. It sheds easily and sticks to clothes, carpet, couches, small children, and air.
Her eyes are both squinty and one of them is always half closed. This is either due to inbreeding or a fight with a Tyrannosaur. It depends on who you ask. I think the cat looks stoned.
She is very cute in a quirky way, but not very friendly. Some people think that she resembles a large rat that ate a lot of Rogaine and then went through the washer and dryer.
She may also answer to “Trixie”, “Bubbles”, “Fuzzy Face”, or “OH MY GOD ITS DR. GRANT!”
She will also come running if you say “Treats” in a high pitched voice.
If you find her I’ll give you a $100 dollar reward because my wife will probably cry for a year straight if we don’t.
Update: My wife insists that Dr. Grant CAN read and type, and gave me photographic evidence. See below.
